pessimism.

i'm back. only because i read a quote that i love and hate by good 'ol william shakespeare. william says, or rather writes, that "expectation is the root of all heartache." at first i sat here nodding my head in agreement, but then i realized that this must make me a natural pessimist. gross. i'm not at all accusing william of the same, but rather what does it say about me that my instinctual reaction to this quote is to agree? have i really been so tarnished, bludgeoned, burned and bruised that i believe in having no expectations? i think not. expectations are what help to hold ourselves and others to higher standards. standards that most times we should have. sure, we've all been let down time and maybe time again by having such expectations but who says it's the "expectations" fault? i think it's a shame that i'd have to re-train myself to not have expectations simply because i've been hurt or disappointed before. big deal. maybe i should just build a bridge and get over it. thanks for making me write again shakespeare.

the invitation by oriah

it doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
i want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

it doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
i want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

it doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
i want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

i want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

i want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.

i want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
if you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

i want to know if you can see beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
and if you can source your own life
from its presence.

i want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“yes.”

it doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
i want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

it doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
i want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me and not shrink back.

it doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
i want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

i want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

shoes.

i want these christian louboutin's...


and these ones too. size 6.5, thanks.

jim morrison was a genius.

“people are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. people talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. love hurts. feelings are disturbing. people are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. how can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? pain is meant to wake us up. people try to hide their pain. but they're wrong. pain is something to carry, like a radio. you feel your strength in the experience of pain. it's all in how you carry it. that's what matters. pain is a feeling. your feelings are a part of you. your own reality. if you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. you should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

stalker fail.

my dreams were shattered this morning as i walked to my car and saw a familiar face, my stalker, who is in fact nice. much to my dismay i realized he is no stalker at all. he is a simple man who waits on the sidewalk for a van to pick him up. i’m not quite sure where he goes but the thought of him diligently waiting each and every morning for this particular van to pick him up is just heartwarming. now i sit here, no longer in denial that this man is indeed not a stalker, and wonder who the flowers were for? girlfriend? teacher? because clearly they weren't for me. i miss my stalker, at least he waived.

silence.

is the most powerful response of all.

**note this pertains to relationships/friendships only. i am in no way suggesting oppression or not standing up for yourself regarding social or any other important issues. simply, letting go is done best by acting with silence.

bad ass tune.

"cult logic" by miike snow

all my life i've been the slave of consequence
wondering how this life could be so intricate.
i wanna rewrite my heart and let the 
future in, i wanna open it up and
let somebody in.

can you free me from the logic that i knew
i believe it even if it is not true.

am i falling asleep on my feet again?
i call out, is anybody listening
and it's like i'm diving into emptiness
but at least there's something beating in my chest.

can you free me from the logic that
i knew, i believe it even if
it is not true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqVEVH4Q3sQ&feature=PlayList&p=E2245396E10000E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6