shoes.

i want these christian louboutin's...


and these ones too. size 6.5, thanks.

jim morrison was a genius.

“people are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. people talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. love hurts. feelings are disturbing. people are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. how can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? pain is meant to wake us up. people try to hide their pain. but they're wrong. pain is something to carry, like a radio. you feel your strength in the experience of pain. it's all in how you carry it. that's what matters. pain is a feeling. your feelings are a part of you. your own reality. if you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. you should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

stalker fail.

my dreams were shattered this morning as i walked to my car and saw a familiar face, my stalker, who is in fact nice. much to my dismay i realized he is no stalker at all. he is a simple man who waits on the sidewalk for a van to pick him up. i’m not quite sure where he goes but the thought of him diligently waiting each and every morning for this particular van to pick him up is just heartwarming. now i sit here, no longer in denial that this man is indeed not a stalker, and wonder who the flowers were for? girlfriend? teacher? because clearly they weren't for me. i miss my stalker, at least he waived.

silence.

is the most powerful response of all.

**note this pertains to relationships/friendships only. i am in no way suggesting oppression or not standing up for yourself regarding social or any other important issues. simply, letting go is done best by acting with silence.

bad ass tune.

"cult logic" by miike snow

all my life i've been the slave of consequence
wondering how this life could be so intricate.
i wanna rewrite my heart and let the 
future in, i wanna open it up and
let somebody in.

can you free me from the logic that i knew
i believe it even if it is not true.

am i falling asleep on my feet again?
i call out, is anybody listening
and it's like i'm diving into emptiness
but at least there's something beating in my chest.

can you free me from the logic that
i knew, i believe it even if
it is not true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqVEVH4Q3sQ&feature=PlayList&p=E2245396E10000E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

fractions.

it's easy to forget about the 3/4 of bad that someone possesses when all you can think about is the 1/4 of good that once captured your mind and in some cases heart. but what i've learned about people and fractions is that the 3/4 of bad will just about always find a way to sneak into that moment where the 1/4 of good is taking over and bite you in the ass. really hard. so let that 1/4 go. the whole package will be worth the wait. fractions suck anyways.

stalker status.

i have a stalker. he seems nice.

stalker encounter #1:
our first encounter took place the other morning when i was leaving for work. he was standing in between mine and jenna's cars creepily smiling and was wearing some kind of jogging suit (mind your he's probably in his mid-30s). he asked me if i went to chapman and i said that i had graduated and he continued with some random small talk. the conversation finally ended and we went both went our separate ways.

stalker encounter #2:
today as i was getting ready to leave for work when jenna came running into my house to alert me that my stalker was back, this time with flowers and a hand written note. by the time i made it outside he was gone, crepper. jenna later spotted him and informed me of his whereabouts...he was sitting on the curb by my car, this time wearing jeans and a nice sweater. i told my roommate about this guy and he immediately turned into mr. protective and insisted that he walk me to my car (precious). as i approached my car my stalker stood up and became all frazzled. he was standing there with his note and his flowers but he said nothing. he saw me off and smiled and nodded.

so i have a stalker that brings me flowers and hand written letters but can't bring himself to actually give them to me. as i think about it i'd really rather not get flowers from a stalker.

i am a new lover of ichat, now all i need is a macbook.

11.4.09 at approximately 6pm.



craig watching the alternate ending to paranormal activity.












sarah and i were supportive friends when he was frightened.












he's still watching. we're not. rwarrrr.













adoration.













another nerd friend.

take the path less traveled.

"you have brains in your head. you have feet in your shoes.

you can steer yourself any direction you choose."

- dr. seuss

dear jason.

don't you know that i'll be around to guide you
through your weakest moments to leave them behind you
returning nightmares only shadows
we'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now
crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders
the sirens inside you waiting to step forward
disturbing silence darkens your sight
we'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now
crosses all over the boulevard
the streets outside your window overflooded
people staring they know you've been broken
repeatedly reminded by the looks on their faces
ignore them tonight and you'll be alright
we'll cast some light and you'll be alright

- "crosses" by jose gonzalez

my isla vista hero.

rachel, yet another nerd.

once a nerd always a nerd.

nerds. i totally consider myself a nerd, a proud one too. not a nerd meaning that i read more than i watch tv, or that i was a straight a student my entire life, that would just be a lie. nerd in the sense that i am uncensored, un-phased and unapologetic of my quirky antics, love of taking pictures with strangers or my big mouth. i have grown to love these qualities as without them i wouldn't know who i am. my friends are mostly just as nerdish as i am, some more so and some are just in denial. we find humor in the most peculiar situations but time has shown me that these are the people that i need around me. a friend makes you a better version of yourself, always. they are what get me through my "low times" when i struggle with finding contentment after graduating and am in a new phase of life. likewise, they are there to celebrate my triumphs because right now i'm realizing as i embark on my own life journey every freaking good thing that happens is a triumph: moving out (check), full-time job (check), paycheck (thank goodness check), support system of warrirors (check, check, mother effng check), etc. true happiness is living life as the person that you are, not who you want to be perceived as. now that that's settled... take it or leave it, i am a nerd.

imposter blogger.

a delightful gal named jenna has been begging me for months to make a blog and i have always politely declined, until now. i'm not much of a writer and this mind of mine produces solely random thoughts so consistency isn't always my thangg. therefore i have decided that this blog is for mostly my satisfaction, but also to quiet the constant nagging. have at it jennanana.